Any Painters Out There

I want this Oil on Canvas.

Any artists out there up to the challenge?

While We Were Out

Did anyone else know about this?

It's real and apparently it's observed on the third Thursday of December.

That is when, statistically speaking, most office parties are held, thus giving recipients of bad gifts, both reason and persons to unload their undesirables upon.

Holy crap, that's awesome.

More info HERE

Jingoism (Look It Up If You Have To!!!)

There is so much, just absolutely, positively nut-bag stuff out there by military personnel in the form of chest-thumping and the like, it would give the average person an aneurysm. 

Now before you go of on anyone that is sleeping in a hole in the desert this Holiday Season, wearing a uniform that weighs more than the turkey you still have left-overs from Thanksgiving, take a pause....re-think your issues, and kiss my *&%. 

Cause while you are bitching about having to brush snow off your car in the morning, these people would do every car on the block, in their underwear, to be back home with their loved ones right now.

Some of the humor is over the top, some downright disgusting, but occasionally...you come across something undeniably hilarious.

I thought I might share the image above with you because it is actually titled, "The F-Bomb."

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Young People Suck!!!

Now is how you get a message across!

I came across this PSA ad while doing some research on the Great Depression and was like, DAMN!

Grandma & Grandpa did not play around when it came to saving energy!

How come we haven't seen this ad with Bin Laden in the passenger seat yet?

I think it is just so like, KICK-IN-THE-STOMACH good.

I now totally understand why my Grandma always told me to, "shut them lights, boy" when I was at her house....She was afraid of Hitler coming through the front door of her St. Louis condo.

Aww Granny, how I miss you so (really).

The Perfect Sports Book

If your Man (or Woman) is a golfing fanatic, there is no better recommendation for a Holiday gift than Bob Smiley's, Follow The Roar.

The author, a former rival of Tiger Woods during their amateur days, chronicles Tiger's entire time on last year's PGA Tour. 

Equal parts, hilarious and insightful, Smiley's illuminating travelogue focuses not just on Tiger, but the many facets of time spent on the tour.

A great read*

*there are more than a few people that cannot stand Tiger Woods for whatever reason. Please be sure the person you are buying this book for is not one of those people....because he won a ton last year.

On A Cold Day

Is there any group of people easier to hate than the drivers of CTA buses?

They of the, "nothing for 30 minutes", then BAM!,  3 back-to-back-to-back?

This is the 21st Century, can't they get the schedule right?

And don't you just love that, after waiting on that corner with 15 of your neighbors, the bus that stops is the PACKED one, while it's empty counterpart just zips by.

And don't you love that when you get on that packed bus after you have lost two fingers and a toe to frostbite, the bus driver is angry, AT YOU! "Hurry up, I'm running late", they scream at the top of their lungs, though you are just 16 inches from their face. 

And don't you just love how, now that the bus is sardine can tight with people, the driver decides this might be the time to slam on the brakes at every opportunity, sending Starbuck's coffee and untold amounts of flesh towards your person.

And don't you just love how, since the bus is full to the gills, the driver shows no patience for people trying to get off at their stops, driving off just seconds after stopping, leaving passengers to walk the extra distance from the next stop AFTER the one they wanted.

And don't you love how sometimes while you are waiting for your bus for so long, the mere sight of it in the distance is enough to steel your fortitude, making the "warming dance" you have been doing, in front of that really hot neighbor you were going to ask out, dissipate to rocking? Then suddenly as the bus comes closer into view you notice the "Not In Service" sign and you have to break back into your embarrassing dance, I mean rock. No I mean dance. Don't you just love that?

 

And don't you just REALLY love the driver that pulls his bus 3 feet away from you at the beginning of a run, then pulls out their newspaper and starts to read. All the while there are 25 people waiting to get on, in sub-zero weather. No they cannot read while you are on the bus with them in the warmth, you must freeze your tail off while watching their lips move through the fog emerging from sewer covers.

I mean, you just have to really give it up to anyone that has the ability to give warmth and comfort to their fellow citizens by the mere push of a (open) button, but can dig deep and find the resolve to ignore them instead. 

WHERE?

DO?

THEY?

FIND?

THESE?

PEOPLE?

What is it about a really cold day that just gets my blood to boiling about them?

Oh, I know. I must be thinking about THIS!

This Looks Interesting, No?

BDT is Che

Childhood Narcolepsy

One thing I wish I could bottle up, Childhood Narcolepsy.

That is the inevitable sleep youngsters experience when trying to wait up for Santa. 

It's like no matter what you did: sleep late the day before, take a nap during the day, drink coffee, pop No-Doze, do a few lines, throw a rave in your house or tape your eyes open...at some point we always fell asleep. 

Once we awoke on Christmas Day, the only thing helping us get over the disappointment of having fallen asleep, was all the presents in our greedy little palms.

I think the Christmas you decide to stop waiting up for Santa, is the your first Christmas on the downward slope to eventual cynicism.

And that just sucks.

Holiday Thoughts

Chicago is experiencing the "First Snow" today. It is so beautiful, I went from humbug to Jack Frost as soon as I looked out the window this morning.

I thought I might share some holiday cheer with everyone, so here are a few pics of our Christmas Tree (click images for better detail) I am not the best photographer. My honey is, but she's not home:

Full Tree Shot

And Another:

Close-up of the madness. I was mad about the camel painting in the background until I realized, even my mistakes are genius!!! Camel = 3 Wise Men, or at least 1 Wise Man.



Better close detail with our crazy birds and butterflies.



Hope these put you a little bit more in the holiday mood. I'll get back to the funny shortly.

One Of Life's Great Treats

Treat yourself to one of life's great treats.

If you are in the vicinity of the Peninsula Hotel, just a block west of Michigan Ave. at Superior, there is no way you should pass up Pierrot Gourmet's, WORLDS BEST HOT CIDER!

They regulate the temperature of the cider to the outdoor temp. So if it is very cold, the cider is made very hot. However, if the temp is more mild like today's lows 40's, the cider is served hot, but at a drinkable temperature.

The crew knows a bit about the temperature because the drink stand is OUTSIDE the restaurant. Warm friendly faces and attitudes to match make this a stop every Chicagoan and tourist should put on your schedule.

The Hot Cocoa, served with a semi-sweet chocolate plastic stirring spoon, also cannot be beat.

Notice also, they maintain their 5-Star standards (hello authentic sterling silver carafes), even outdoors.

Yum Yum for your tum!

Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

I saw Slumdog Millionaire this morning.

Without seeing any other contender, Doubt included, I am certain it is the Best Movie of 2008. I really don't care if it wins an Oscar or Golden Globe. It would be nice if the Academy recognized this work of art, but if not, so what.

I can reveal nothing about the film, except my being aware very early on, perhaps four to five minutes in, that I was witnessing a masterpiece.

The movie's Director, Danny Boyle, has now managed, in six short years, to give us 28 Days Later, Millions and now, Slumdog Millionaire.

If someone wants to tell me another director with a resume of three more; original, engrossing and vastly different films since 2002, I await your call breathlessly.

There is no question now, he is among the creative geniuses of the genre. 

All that said, not even his direction matches the performances of the cast of Slumdog Millionaire. Almost every face will be fresh to Western audiences, but I found myself on several occasions thinking of how much more salary the Nicole Kidman's of the world command for much less-impactful work. 

As stated before, I will give you nothing of the plot. The less you know walking in, the more rewarding the experience. 

I was fortunate enough to share the experience with the love of my life. We both found it to be an unforgettable pleasure.

Now go! BUY TICKETS HERE.

#9 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

Babette's Feast

A mysterious stranger comes to an isolated village and attempts to change the lives of it's aging populace.

Generic, I know, but few films work on this level.

If you like food, wine and family relationships, Babette's Feast will be such a unique treat.

One thing, this will NOT be for everyone. So steer clear if the trailer throws you, but those that stay will be rewarded.

Trailer here:

Buy it HERE.

#8 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

The Elephant Man

Yes, we all had to watch this in Social Studies as kids. Yes it was boring and weird when we were young. However, now that we are little older, the movie takes on new meaning, revealing a texture not available to us as youths.

The Elephant Man is a true story, which makes it all the more amazing. But the truly amazing thing is that it introduced us all to one Sir Anthony Hopkins AND Adagio for Strings in one movie.

I defy you to name another film that has achieved this distinction.

Trailer here

Buy it HERE.

#7 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

Barbarian Invasions

Can a film movie about dying be fun? Yes, of course it can. If you choose to treat the subject in a dignified manner and you envelope a great script with a strong ensemble cast.

Barbarian Invasions does this and more. I have not cried this much since I had to sleep in a chopped onion factory as a kid.

Here is the trailer:

Buy it HERE.

#5 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

There Will Be Blood

When a movie this good grosses $40 million dollars with all the Oscar buzz it had last year, I know most people have not seen it. That gross is on par with the Vin Diesel film Pitch Black, a movie nobody I know has seen, or will at least admit they have seen. So There Will Be Blood belongs on the list, and I though of putting it closer to the top.

The box-office obstacles for this tour-de-force were many:

• Length, at 2 hours 38 minutes
  
• A director known for requiring ADD to be checked at the door during the "fun" Holiday Movie Season.
  
• A plot surrounding oil, when gas prices were at record highs throughout the United States.
  

All of which does not excuse the public for not beating a path to it's (theatrical) door.

Paul Thomas Anderson, in just under three hours running time, lays out the framework for how the West was really won; through hard work, determination, unbending, unwavering faith in yourself, followed by incalculable degrees of cut-throat cunning, con-jobbing, organizing, expanding and monopolizing, followed ultimately by paranoia. 

All of these traits are not just present, but embodied in the soul of precious metals-miner, turned oil prospector Daniel Plainview. Daniel Day-Lewis is so convincing in the role, I could not imagine shaking his hand without thinking he is about to go upside my head with some nearby object. 

Anderson sets the story in turn of the century Texas, with many scenes in the first 45 minutes involving little to no dialogue. While many decried this as pompous, I think the sparse dialogue is what makes the movie work. For Paul Dano's thunderously verbose portrayal is all the more potent when released into this vacuum.

The scenes of Plainview developing his ability to manipulate those he needs over the landscape of the film is both, worth the price of admission and difficult to watch, as you can see by the glint in his eye, he knows he's on to something.

The only caveat to There Will Be Blood is, those who are more intricately aware of American history will get loads more from the film. However, there is more than enough there for everyone.

Last thing, the soundtrack stayed with me longer than any other, once I left the cinema, since Grizzly Man.

Buy it HERE.

#4 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

Ratatouille

This is only here because so many people I know do not have children and consequently, have steered clear of the entire Pixar catalogue.

Take it from me, the minute you have children, you will come to thank Pixar, the only movie studio that regularly creates entertainment for the entire family.

Anyway, Ratatouille is not a great family film, it is truly a great film.

A young man who cannot cook finds work in an once-great restaurant. After he is charged with disposing of a recently trapped rodent, but cannot bring himself to carry out the execution. The resulting bond of this decision is developed against the back-drop of several different plot twists. 

If you are a human (and I assume you are if you are reading this blog) and veeeeeery strong, you may get through the last five minutes without tears, the fourth time you watch. By then it becomes just heart-warming. 

Director Brad Bird delivered what I consider to be the best movie in the Pixar catalogue (though I think Wall-E is much more cerebral). A beautiful film that leaves no stone unturned in attention to detail. This kitchen tale comes alive at the outset and remains so throughout.

Buy it HERE. And watch all the extras, they are as good as the film.

Hand Me Downs

What in the hell is "second-hand smoke?"

I really think smoke is smoke. 

I don't think there is really that big a difference in smoke and "second-hand" smoke.

The only difference is non-smokers do not directly ingests the smoke into the chest cavity at an increased temperature and concentration. 

Am I wrong? If so prove it.

Eating IS cheating, ya know!

Trivia tidbit: that is Sean Preston there.

Why Prop 8 Matters, Part 5!

Bare Essentials

I watched a movie the other day where the "heroine" was trying to get away from the life of crime and bad people she encountered daily at her job. 

She was a "stripper, trying to work her way through college."

It occurred to me how often I have heard people use this excuse in movies and in reality (this link lays it out. Excuses and all).

Yes, I have known strippers. You know strippers too, so don't point fingers.

Anyway, the whole idea of the girl just showing a little tit to get through college is just crap! Once you start, you do not stop....unless you find one of those elusive Sugar Daddies or professional athletes that wants to "wife" you.

The honest one's will tell you that, if common sense doesn't already.

Let's, as I so like to do, apply the same thing to men. 

If you were to inquire about that hunky guy I brought introduced you to at the party last week and the conversation went like:

you: Is James dating anyone?

me: No, he's been looking for a good woman for a while.

you: really?

me: yep.

you: Does he live with his parents?

me: Nope.

you: Baby Mama Drama?

me: Nope. No kids. Really looking for that special lady?

you: Does he have a brain to go with those good looks?

me: He is getting his MBA in Finance next June.

you: He's mine. If you let him near another woman before I get to him I'll kill you!

me: He spends all his time studying and working.

you: Where does my future husband work?

me: He makes his butt cheeks clap over at Jimbo's Him-bo's.

you: The male strip bar?

me: Yeah, but it's only to put himself through college. You'll see.

you: No I won't! You can tell the Toxic Avenger there is a difference between being single and wanting to get in his drawers, and putting a single in his drawers. I will have a restraining order by daybreak. Eew!

So you can see, things would be quite different.

Lady's, leave that life to those types of women. If you really have it upstairs, that money is going to make it's way to your doorstep eventually. So leave it alone.

Besides, with the economy being so bad, they will be selling that Prada bag he keeps promising you at Walgreens pretty soon.

Keep your dignity because no one else has the power to do it for you.

Watchmen Trailer

I am sort of geeking out here, but these are the WATCHMEN!

This new trailer is better than all 3 X-Men movies combined. Put on a sweater, those are chills running up your spine.

I must apologize for going off subject here, though I did promise to keep you informed on IMPORTANT Films. So look for me to promote Slumdog Millionaire, as soon as I can figure when it opens in Chicago.

Watchmen 03.06.09!