Any Painters Out There

I want this Oil on Canvas.

Any artists out there up to the challenge?

Passing Gas!

I has to fill up today and noticed, gas has risen by 34% in the last 10 days or so.

WTF!

Another thing, all those new rates they allowed taxicabs to impose due to $5-a-gallon gas?

Well gas is $2.30 right now, after being $1.69 last week!

When are those fees going to disappear?!?!?!?!

Bloated Expectations!

6 Days in and Social Crayon want to know.....

Have you given up on that diet yet? That food you love is still as delicious as ever, and now it's on sale. 

Give up now and instead of starving yourself half to death with your:

popcorn diet

rice cake diet

no carbs diet

no calories diet

no nutrients diet

no vitamins diet

hot water diet

warm water diet

2 enema diet

4 enema diet

26 enema diet

two-finger gag diet

four-finger gag diet

stomach sewing diet

throat sewing diet

teeth sewing diet

straight-jacket diet

just liquid diet

just solid diet

just steam diet

fasting diet

slowing diet

fork diet

spoon diet

straw diet

I am as over it as you are. The big difference is I have to hear about it, while you only have to talk about it. 

Shut up. And the next time you want to open up you mouth try putting some food in it.

It's okay, you're beautiful!

Welcome 2009!!!

I have been gone for quite a while and I am as pissed off about the world as when I left.

Since my last post:

The Colts and Peyton Manning lost to Whales Vagina

Potholes the size of inflatable swimming pools are everywhere in the city I call home.

Obama has pissed me off in numerous ways (Sanjay Gupta? Really?Rick Warren?? Really, Really??).

All my favorite stores are having "take what ever you want and leave a little change on the counter sales", which invite the wrong crowd to shop at my elbows. MOVE IT!!!

My girlfriend got really sick  (1st time in at least two years, I am at year 5).

Lots of snow has led to so many SALTY UGG BOOT sightings, multiple daily sightings are now expected. I mean good grief, Charlie Brown.

The cold weather has driven men to their favorite winter combo of top coats and baseball caps, which is the equivalent of a hot woman wearing a sexy bra and a diaper to bed on your wedding night. If you are going to act grown, and feel grown, dress grown.....ACCESSORIZE!

The mayor has passed more crap legislation that will continue to make Chicago one of the most expensive cities to live in.

Everyone has inauguration fever, like the fishes and the loaves will be passed out on the 20th. 

Chicago politicians are distancing themselves from the politicians of Chicago because the politics of Chicago are not the way politics are supposed to work in a city like Chicago with an upstanding political structure supported by such great politicians as the kinds that you find in Chicago if you are a Chicago politician, but not political in your Chicagoness. Shut up you wankers and just say I didn't get caught yet and pray the feds have nothing on you!

Every Capitalist douche-bag I know is constantly in my face about how everything is going just fine and according to plan, instead of apologizing for their ignorance and hubris. Mind you, all that is done voluntarily, I have still yet to ask my first question about the economy to anyone outside my home. I just think it rude and too personal at this time.

I have had to deal with ridiculous realtors that espouse the virtues of the studio condos they think fit my profile, even though we currently live in a three bedroom home.

I even have had to listen, read and watch every goofball with an outlet "forecast" their "predictions for 2009." 

So I have been busy and I felt how the man at the top of this post looks.

But now I'm back!

DEAL WITH IT!

Signs of the Apocalypse

All over downtown Chicago, I have been encountering these "Falling Ice" signs. 

See, the skyscrapers in Chicago (that's what we are really known for, really) accumulate lots of precipitation (snow, rain, dew?!?!) at their elevated heights and with winds that gust at twice the speed of street level gales, ice forms.

Then it decides when it wants to fall downward and bust you in the F&%(^&(-ing head, causing all kinds of trauma.

What are you going to do when one of these things boinks you on the dome?

That's right "cry" is what you are going to do. That is if you still have brain function.

The law used to make owners of these buildings liable for injury that resulted from their negligence of "facility maintenance."

That got expensive, with all the lawyers and punitive damages and all.

Hiring a person, or contractor, to come, clean up and ensure the facility was safe proved to be much less expensive.

But nothing, price-wise, beat the 2001 law stating: a sign at street level, outside the building, warning pedestrians their skull was probably going to get cracked while walking down the street, is sufficient warning to remove all liability for falling ice from owners and management firms of tall buildings in the city of Chicago.

So next time you se one of these signs, don't stop to read it. You are putting your life at risk.

You should cross the stree...actually, that won't help either because this is the Windy City, nothing falls straight down anyway. 

WE'RE SCREWED!

On A Cold Day

Is there any group of people easier to hate than the drivers of CTA buses?

They of the, "nothing for 30 minutes", then BAM!,  3 back-to-back-to-back?

This is the 21st Century, can't they get the schedule right?

And don't you just love that, after waiting on that corner with 15 of your neighbors, the bus that stops is the PACKED one, while it's empty counterpart just zips by.

And don't you love that when you get on that packed bus after you have lost two fingers and a toe to frostbite, the bus driver is angry, AT YOU! "Hurry up, I'm running late", they scream at the top of their lungs, though you are just 16 inches from their face. 

And don't you just love how, now that the bus is sardine can tight with people, the driver decides this might be the time to slam on the brakes at every opportunity, sending Starbuck's coffee and untold amounts of flesh towards your person.

And don't you just love how, since the bus is full to the gills, the driver shows no patience for people trying to get off at their stops, driving off just seconds after stopping, leaving passengers to walk the extra distance from the next stop AFTER the one they wanted.

And don't you love how sometimes while you are waiting for your bus for so long, the mere sight of it in the distance is enough to steel your fortitude, making the "warming dance" you have been doing, in front of that really hot neighbor you were going to ask out, dissipate to rocking? Then suddenly as the bus comes closer into view you notice the "Not In Service" sign and you have to break back into your embarrassing dance, I mean rock. No I mean dance. Don't you just love that?

 

And don't you just REALLY love the driver that pulls his bus 3 feet away from you at the beginning of a run, then pulls out their newspaper and starts to read. All the while there are 25 people waiting to get on, in sub-zero weather. No they cannot read while you are on the bus with them in the warmth, you must freeze your tail off while watching their lips move through the fog emerging from sewer covers.

I mean, you just have to really give it up to anyone that has the ability to give warmth and comfort to their fellow citizens by the mere push of a (open) button, but can dig deep and find the resolve to ignore them instead. 

WHERE?

DO?

THEY?

FIND?

THESE?

PEOPLE?

What is it about a really cold day that just gets my blood to boiling about them?

Oh, I know. I must be thinking about THIS!

Privatizing Treachery

Imagine a world where treachery reigned supreme.

Imagine no more... and Welcome to Chicago.

The city that fines you 10,000%, IMMEDIATELY, for not feeding a parking meter.

Yes, if you are 12 seconds late on that 25 cent parking meter...

• your fine is not 50 cents, which would be 100%..
  
• not $2.50, which would be 1000%...
  
• but a whopping $25.00, a 10,000% fine for your offense.
  

Now if you do not pay that fine in 30 days, these things come in the mail a lot of the time folks, your fine DOUBLES.

So make that a 20,000% fine, your .25 offense is now costing you $50.00.

If applied to your mortgage payment, the average U.S. mortgage being about $1700 per month for a $215,000 home, being late on a payment would mean:

By the time you woke up the morning after that payment was due, you would owe your bank $170,000 for THAT MONTH'S mortgage payment.

If you missed the following month, because you didn't know they had not received your check, your total payment due for that ONE MONTH would be $340,000.

Now imagine if you did not pay (wow who could), you would be locked out of your house without warning and given 10 days to come up with the money. If the money was not paid within 10 days, your house AND IT'S CONTENTS would be sold at an auction you could not participate in or know about.

This is what happens to cars with unpaid tickets in the City of Chicago. I do not want to hear bout how "extreme" the example is, THIS HAPPENS and more often than any of us know of.

All this frustration comes on the heels of the City of Chicago's decision to sell the rights to our parking meter system to a private company for the next 75 years.

The announcement was coupled nicely with news that the mew meter rates for neighborhoods would rise, IN 26 DAY ON JANUARY 1, 2009, from 25 cents and hour to $1.00 an hour, a 400% rate hike.

Think that's horrible?

The parking meters in downtown Chicago will now cost... $6.00 an hour.

That is 10 cents for every minute!

So while there was heated and vigorous debate as to whether the minimum wage should be raised for HUMAN BEINGS, many of which work downtown in eateries at at retailers, from their current rate TO $6.55 an hour now and $7.25 an hour starting July 24, 2009, we all readily accept an inanimate objet needs it's $6.00 an hour to survive.

I say I have no problem with the new rates, as long as they change the parking meters to mirror the picture at the top of this post.

This Looks Interesting, No?

BDT is Che

Is This Woman the Obama of the Fashion World?

Me thinks she is:

Jourdan Dunn is beating down stereotypes, while taking the game in a whole new direction.

And she just won "Model of the Year"!

Read More HERE.

Christian Bale is Bankable and AWESOME!!!!

Next May, go see the most realistic actor in America, Christian Bale.
He made me believe in "the Bat", so his John Conner will be unbelievable!!!!



AWAESOME!!!!