#8 Best Movie You Have Never Seen

The Elephant Man

Yes, we all had to watch this in Social Studies as kids. Yes it was boring and weird when we were young. However, now that we are little older, the movie takes on new meaning, revealing a texture not available to us as youths.

The Elephant Man is a true story, which makes it all the more amazing. But the truly amazing thing is that it introduced us all to one Sir Anthony Hopkins AND Adagio for Strings in one movie.

I defy you to name another film that has achieved this distinction.

Trailer here

Buy it HERE.

It Occurred To Me

That people who say, their "Gay" friend, have no Gay friends. 

They may know a gay person, but they are not really friends with them. If they were real friends, they would not need to define (put-in-a-neat-box)  them to a person they have never met.

This also applies to the following:

• "Black"
  
• "African-American"
  
• "Quadroon"
  
• "Octoroon" 
  
• "Bi-Racial"
  
• "White"
  
• "Caucasian"
  
• "Asian"
  
• "Spanich"
  
• "Mexican"
  
• "Hispanic"
  
• "Yellow"
  
• "Jewish"
  
• "Indian"
  
• "Tranny"
  
• "Elderly"
  
• "Fat"
  

To name a few. 

It is however alright to use the term "Native-American", as few people know actual Native-Americans, and that would make for fascinating conversation.

Tamron Hall of MSNBC is Cute...

But she reads the news like she is reading a bomb threat at an elementary school.

She is usually hosting the 9 am EST, weekday edition of the news and each news item is read like there is a new 9-11 attack.

"Today, a FOUR YEAR-OLD BOY won a GIGGLING CONTEST at his SCHOOL IN PENNSYLVANIA!!!!!"

Every man should have a woman with this problem, but confined to the bedroom.

Just imagine:

"BABY PLEASE!!!! TAKE that 2 INCH thing OUT OF ME!!!!"

You get the point. But she is nice to look at.

Check Please!

There is a growing reluctance to "check" for anything.

If I need something at a store that I cannot find.

If someone just noticed that there keys are missing.

If I ask if I can get bumped up to first, or business, class while flying.

If I call for a reservation at a restaurant.

Nobody want to check for me anymore.

They all will, quite cheerfully, "DOUBLE-CHECK!"

What's with that?

I don't need anyone to double-check, that is until they have checked at least once.

Here is a sample conversation from a recent encounter:

me: Do you have anymore of the jelly bean flavored lube in the back?

they: I really don't know. Let me double-check that for you.

me: No, if you could just check for now, we can then decide if a double is necessary.

they: I just told you I was gonna double-check the back.

me: Okay, but if you could just regular check, that would be fine.

they: Get the hell out my store, and take your pretty words with you.

These are the things one must deal with while walking upright in a troglodytic world.

But I suffer onwards for the lot of you.

My Girlfriend's Love of Double Nouns

My girlfriend is a reader. I mean a READER!

One of the most beautiful things about her is how unsettled she becomes when she finishes a book and does not have another on hand to start, immediately.

I think for all the bullshit you hear about men and their big brains, women read more (the sports pages don't count gentlemen). The problem with the imbalance may have to do with what they read.

My girlfriend loves book's with double nouns in the title, or books that animate the inanimate, then give said inanimate object emotion.

The Grass, no thanks.

The Crying Grass, Yes Please!

Solitude, no thanks.

The Lonely Solitude, Yes Please!

The Rock, no thanks.

The Summer of the Worried Rock, Yes Please and is there a sequel? 

The Bully, straight to the clearance bin.

The Linen Bully, possible midnight book launch.

Anyway, you get the point. I usually have her read me the first sentence in each of her books. We like to compare and contrast, or repel and lambaste, depending on how full of themselves the author chooses to reveal.

However there is one thing I must admit about this strange pattern of reading she has. She usually wins our Scrabble games. So while I have found myself to be strictly a fan of non-fiction thus far, perhaps I will start sneaking peaks at that copy of The Knuckle Wedding. 

It couldn't hurt.

New Verbiage in America

1. 
   

This election season ushered in a few additions to the American verbal lexicon. Here are a few that touched me deeply:

1. Low-Information Voters. In a strange twist of fate, stupid people became an important voting block. I can't wait for the day my son comes home from school with a bad grade on his report card, telling me it's not that he didn't understand the work, he's just "low-information." So if you are interested in who runs the country you live in, but have no idea what issues the candidates stand for, have no plan to find out and cannot be told by anyone, you are no longer called stoopid, it's "low-information" to you kind sir.
   
2. Undecided. This word was used, almost entirely, in the place of "clueless" by every journalist on television. They would be all, "I have watched 3 Presidential debates, 1 Vice-Presidential debate, hundreds of hours of political coverage, thousands of campaign ads, received countless e-mails from both camps, discussed every issue with my pastor, wife/husband, brother, sister and mailman, been reprimanded at work for arguing at work with co-workers on the merits of both health insurance plans and even knocked on doors during the primaries, but ya know......I haven't really made up my mind. I need to see more." I really believe you could have found a great number of these people still "waffling" the day AFTER the election, wanting to know "just a bit more." Give me a break
3. Hockey-Moms. Yes they are cool. They are not, however, the face of the struggling working-moms trying to make ends meet. Hockey is one of the most expensive, equipment-laden sports imaginable. The high risk of injury requires a great health plan and the possibility of having a hockey arena within half-hour drive of your home is fairly remote. Soccer is the world's most popular sport for a reason, it only requires a ball,or can, or twig, rock, rolled-up sock, etc. Mom need not buy a thing and the stadium is wherever your feet are, be it the living room, hut or industrial waste site at the end of your block. Comparatively speaking soccer is Ted Lange to Hockey's Denzel Washington.
4. Maverick, or "Mavrick" as many signs at rallies read. Don't know the answer to a question a journalist asks, claim maverick status. Unprepared to answer questions during a debate you have had two months to get ready for, claim maverick status. Can't account for a dubious lack of worldliness, claim maverick status. Unable to account for the lack of a consistent stand on an issue, claim maverick status. Threaten the well-being of the country you are putting first by choosing a running mate who wanted to secede from said country, claim maverick status. Apparently maverick is a new type of diplomatic immunity, only it works within the borders of your native country. I have no idea.

These, and others, words can all just go away now that the election has been decided. They really have no place in a society facing the toughest challenges in a generation.