Merry Christmas, To All

Weathering The Storm

We all are mad at the weatherman right now. 

Their job is, easily, the least accountable line of work in history.

All they do is guess what will happen, then when it doesn't happen as they say, they just say what did happen.

No scorecard, nothing. Just "ha ha" and, "here is a picture from a local elementary school."

Weathermen suck the dog's balls so here are a few things that should balance out your emotions.

He grew up without a Father in the home:

He had Chipotle for lunch:

This guy is so suave, you barely notice the "showers" are leaving...or are they?

Jingoism (Look It Up If You Have To!!!)

There is so much, just absolutely, positively nut-bag stuff out there by military personnel in the form of chest-thumping and the like, it would give the average person an aneurysm. 

Now before you go of on anyone that is sleeping in a hole in the desert this Holiday Season, wearing a uniform that weighs more than the turkey you still have left-overs from Thanksgiving, take a pause....re-think your issues, and kiss my *&%. 

Cause while you are bitching about having to brush snow off your car in the morning, these people would do every car on the block, in their underwear, to be back home with their loved ones right now.

Some of the humor is over the top, some downright disgusting, but occasionally...you come across something undeniably hilarious.

I thought I might share the image above with you because it is actually titled, "The F-Bomb."

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Young People Suck!!!

Now is how you get a message across!

I came across this PSA ad while doing some research on the Great Depression and was like, DAMN!

Grandma & Grandpa did not play around when it came to saving energy!

How come we haven't seen this ad with Bin Laden in the passenger seat yet?

I think it is just so like, KICK-IN-THE-STOMACH good.

I now totally understand why my Grandma always told me to, "shut them lights, boy" when I was at her house....She was afraid of Hitler coming through the front door of her St. Louis condo.

Aww Granny, how I miss you so (really).

Signs of the Apocalypse

All over downtown Chicago, I have been encountering these "Falling Ice" signs. 

See, the skyscrapers in Chicago (that's what we are really known for, really) accumulate lots of precipitation (snow, rain, dew?!?!) at their elevated heights and with winds that gust at twice the speed of street level gales, ice forms.

Then it decides when it wants to fall downward and bust you in the F&%(^&(-ing head, causing all kinds of trauma.

What are you going to do when one of these things boinks you on the dome?

That's right "cry" is what you are going to do. That is if you still have brain function.

The law used to make owners of these buildings liable for injury that resulted from their negligence of "facility maintenance."

That got expensive, with all the lawyers and punitive damages and all.

Hiring a person, or contractor, to come, clean up and ensure the facility was safe proved to be much less expensive.

But nothing, price-wise, beat the 2001 law stating: a sign at street level, outside the building, warning pedestrians their skull was probably going to get cracked while walking down the street, is sufficient warning to remove all liability for falling ice from owners and management firms of tall buildings in the city of Chicago.

So next time you se one of these signs, don't stop to read it. You are putting your life at risk.

You should cross the stree...actually, that won't help either because this is the Windy City, nothing falls straight down anyway. 

WE'RE SCREWED!

4 Things You Will Never See On Miami Ink!

This was a very hard decision for me. Do I share this treachery with my readers, or do I just keep it to myself?

Well I think there are lots of people out there that enjoy this blog, so the decision came down to this:

If I don't share the good and the bad with you, how can I remain true to my pledge to remain fearless? What would that say about my integrity?

That said, prepare to lose some sleep folks.

In descending order, these take the cake for tacky, no actually disgusting.....and they are permanent.

WOW

The last one is far and away the worst of the lot. Anyone else notice the care given to really making sure the coloring around the poo hole was exactly like that of an alley cat?

I think I taste something in the back of my throat. 

BGURP!

Eye-dentity Crisis

If your husband, boyfriend, brother, Dad, teacher, co-worker, mailman, grocer, optometrist, cousin, wedding planner, or, God Help Us All, neighbor owns a pair of these glasses, CALL THE FBI.

If you go back through history, these seem to be the eye-wear of choice for every American Serial Killer of the past few decades. I wonder what the appeal is? 

I am serious about this. 

If you choose not to turn them in for the reward money, the least you could do is take them to Lenscrafters on your off day and help them disguise their inner darkness.

Eek! 

I Am Spooked!

Whenever I am in the Belmont and Clark area, I tend to see a bunch of people walking around with these on:

So why is it that people are drawn to green army jackets? 

They are not cheap. 

They are not warm. 

They are not comfortable. 

They are not fashionable. 

They really have no purpose, save your exuding a certain sense of:

Which scares me. So after I crap my pants, I can't shop, so I go back to the West Loop where I belong.

The Perfect Sports Book

If your Man (or Woman) is a golfing fanatic, there is no better recommendation for a Holiday gift than Bob Smiley's, Follow The Roar.

The author, a former rival of Tiger Woods during their amateur days, chronicles Tiger's entire time on last year's PGA Tour. 

Equal parts, hilarious and insightful, Smiley's illuminating travelogue focuses not just on Tiger, but the many facets of time spent on the tour.

A great read*

*there are more than a few people that cannot stand Tiger Woods for whatever reason. Please be sure the person you are buying this book for is not one of those people....because he won a ton last year.

Mayor Daley, Salt of the Earth

With more snow expected to blanket the Chicago-area in the next 24 hours, it's time for the Mayor to re-think his snow removal policy.

The idea that NOT PLOWING OR SALTING side streets after snow storms might be an acceptable method of saving money for the city is LUDICROUS!

You are passing along the cost of living in the city to the resident tax-payers via auto accidents, which will invariably drive up the cost of auto insurance for everyone living in the city limits.

World-class cities deserve world-class decision making.