Buyer Beware

One thing that still perplexes me is the uproar over fake boobs.

Now don't get me wrong, medical disasters of all types occur more frequently than any of us care to contemplate, so we should not be out emulate someone else's misfortune. 

That said, I am talking specifically about how women discuss other women with fake boobs. "Oh, you know those are fake." 

"Did she buy those at Wal-mart?" 

"Nope she got them at the Woolsworth!" (Coen bros. homage)

What is the big deal? So what she got all fixed up. Is there a problem with trying to keep your game tight, within reason? Are you willing to stop wearing make-up? Didn't think so.

Now before I show how hypocritical you ladies are about this, I want to say something about the guys out here.

NO MAN HAS A PROBLEM WITH FAKE BOOBIES! THAT INCLUDES YOUR MAN, you know the one that is first to point out how "terrible" every pair looks.

Men may not like fake boos, or be attracted to women with fake boobs. But please don't tell me any of us have an actual "problem" with fake boobs. We're men! We can adapt to anything for the sake of survival. If there's no more beer, we'll switch to wine. If we can't catch a cab, we'll walk. If the milk is all gone, we have been known to eat a few handfuls of cereal, dry. This drive is what has preserved our stupid ass all these millennia.

That means, YES, if there are no real boobs to look at, fake boobs go from wine spritzers to single-malt whiskey, and within the space of the period gracing the end of this sentence.

Pamela Anderson and Posh Spice are not multi-millionaires because of women, are they?

But let's get back to you women. Now here is a question. If men could get fake cock, would you have a problem with it? Didn't think so. 

"Yeah, he used to be 4 inches girl, but he went and messed himself up and now he packin'."

I don't think you would call up your girlfriend the  day after a date to tell her all about how you threw him out after he got you all worked up and then flashed an enormous cock that was only "mostly real." I don't foresee husbands arguing with their wives about "keeping things the same 'cause that's what I am used to." I cannot imagine a scenario where either conversation takes place.

And men, you will be lined up when medical advances make such things possible. I believe the well-documented profitability of the wonder-drug, Viagra, proves just that.

As a matter of fact, I think most wives and girlfriends, when met with the idea from her husband of him getting some fake cock, would tell him, "I'll get the keys and meet you at the car. The kids can feed themselves this evening."

So ladies, think a bit more compassionately, if not empathetically, upon your sisters when you see them. They are just like you save that one middling difference. Besides, your frown is blocking your husbands view.