Any Painters Out There

I want this Oil on Canvas.

Any artists out there up to the challenge?

Passing Gas!

I has to fill up today and noticed, gas has risen by 34% in the last 10 days or so.

WTF!

Another thing, all those new rates they allowed taxicabs to impose due to $5-a-gallon gas?

Well gas is $2.30 right now, after being $1.69 last week!

When are those fees going to disappear?!?!?!?!

A Penny for Your Thoughts

This is currently my biggest peeve:

Yes the ever-present "penny dish."

It's not that I have completely bought into the idea of getting rid of the penny like THESE people.

It's not that when I travel to foreign countries they figure in the tax with the price, so what you see on the ticket is what you pay at the counter, and not a penny (so sad, I couldn't resist though) more.

What bothers me is while we, the citezenry of this society, have given up on the penny, others have said no!

Just what do I mean, you say? I mean this:

We, the people, have decided that pennies are so meaningless, we routinely and thoughtlessly put them in a dish when we are given change at any number of grocery stores, coffee houses, gas stations, restaurants and the like. 

But while we have made the penny an afterthought, the reason the penny dish exists is because the person running that establishment has made the penny PRIMAL!!!

Why else would it be there? I'll wait while you think about this.

The penny dish communicates that store owners' edict that they will never let you walk out of their establishment without paying the COMPLETE bill, down to the last penny. 

Even if it's $1000.03. 

There's no, "forget about it." You had better hope the penny dish has something for you, or it's back to the car to dig between the seat cushions.

How I came to this realization, I will never know, but, man it pisses me off every time I see one of those things.

Stop feeding the beast, let's kill the penny dish off.

GET TO IT!

While We Were Out

Did anyone else know about this?

It's real and apparently it's observed on the third Thursday of December.

That is when, statistically speaking, most office parties are held, thus giving recipients of bad gifts, both reason and persons to unload their undesirables upon.

Holy crap, that's awesome.

More info HERE

Bloated Expectations!

6 Days in and Social Crayon want to know.....

Have you given up on that diet yet? That food you love is still as delicious as ever, and now it's on sale. 

Give up now and instead of starving yourself half to death with your:

popcorn diet

rice cake diet

no carbs diet

no calories diet

no nutrients diet

no vitamins diet

hot water diet

warm water diet

2 enema diet

4 enema diet

26 enema diet

two-finger gag diet

four-finger gag diet

stomach sewing diet

throat sewing diet

teeth sewing diet

straight-jacket diet

just liquid diet

just solid diet

just steam diet

fasting diet

slowing diet

fork diet

spoon diet

straw diet

I am as over it as you are. The big difference is I have to hear about it, while you only have to talk about it. 

Shut up. And the next time you want to open up you mouth try putting some food in it.

It's okay, you're beautiful!

Welcome 2009!!!

I have been gone for quite a while and I am as pissed off about the world as when I left.

Since my last post:

The Colts and Peyton Manning lost to Whales Vagina

Potholes the size of inflatable swimming pools are everywhere in the city I call home.

Obama has pissed me off in numerous ways (Sanjay Gupta? Really?Rick Warren?? Really, Really??).

All my favorite stores are having "take what ever you want and leave a little change on the counter sales", which invite the wrong crowd to shop at my elbows. MOVE IT!!!

My girlfriend got really sick  (1st time in at least two years, I am at year 5).

Lots of snow has led to so many SALTY UGG BOOT sightings, multiple daily sightings are now expected. I mean good grief, Charlie Brown.

The cold weather has driven men to their favorite winter combo of top coats and baseball caps, which is the equivalent of a hot woman wearing a sexy bra and a diaper to bed on your wedding night. If you are going to act grown, and feel grown, dress grown.....ACCESSORIZE!

The mayor has passed more crap legislation that will continue to make Chicago one of the most expensive cities to live in.

Everyone has inauguration fever, like the fishes and the loaves will be passed out on the 20th. 

Chicago politicians are distancing themselves from the politicians of Chicago because the politics of Chicago are not the way politics are supposed to work in a city like Chicago with an upstanding political structure supported by such great politicians as the kinds that you find in Chicago if you are a Chicago politician, but not political in your Chicagoness. Shut up you wankers and just say I didn't get caught yet and pray the feds have nothing on you!

Every Capitalist douche-bag I know is constantly in my face about how everything is going just fine and according to plan, instead of apologizing for their ignorance and hubris. Mind you, all that is done voluntarily, I have still yet to ask my first question about the economy to anyone outside my home. I just think it rude and too personal at this time.

I have had to deal with ridiculous realtors that espouse the virtues of the studio condos they think fit my profile, even though we currently live in a three bedroom home.

I even have had to listen, read and watch every goofball with an outlet "forecast" their "predictions for 2009." 

So I have been busy and I felt how the man at the top of this post looks.

But now I'm back!

DEAL WITH IT!

Merry Christmas, To All

Weathering The Storm

We all are mad at the weatherman right now. 

Their job is, easily, the least accountable line of work in history.

All they do is guess what will happen, then when it doesn't happen as they say, they just say what did happen.

No scorecard, nothing. Just "ha ha" and, "here is a picture from a local elementary school."

Weathermen suck the dog's balls so here are a few things that should balance out your emotions.

He grew up without a Father in the home:

He had Chipotle for lunch:

This guy is so suave, you barely notice the "showers" are leaving...or are they?

Jingoism (Look It Up If You Have To!!!)

There is so much, just absolutely, positively nut-bag stuff out there by military personnel in the form of chest-thumping and the like, it would give the average person an aneurysm. 

Now before you go of on anyone that is sleeping in a hole in the desert this Holiday Season, wearing a uniform that weighs more than the turkey you still have left-overs from Thanksgiving, take a pause....re-think your issues, and kiss my *&%. 

Cause while you are bitching about having to brush snow off your car in the morning, these people would do every car on the block, in their underwear, to be back home with their loved ones right now.

Some of the humor is over the top, some downright disgusting, but occasionally...you come across something undeniably hilarious.

I thought I might share the image above with you because it is actually titled, "The F-Bomb."

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why Young People Suck!!!

Now is how you get a message across!

I came across this PSA ad while doing some research on the Great Depression and was like, DAMN!

Grandma & Grandpa did not play around when it came to saving energy!

How come we haven't seen this ad with Bin Laden in the passenger seat yet?

I think it is just so like, KICK-IN-THE-STOMACH good.

I now totally understand why my Grandma always told me to, "shut them lights, boy" when I was at her house....She was afraid of Hitler coming through the front door of her St. Louis condo.

Aww Granny, how I miss you so (really).